Jerrod

Hey I'm going to start to post again. I think my lofty goal of itemizing my sexual history was a little much. Big projectc tend to scare me. Well I met someone online and I'm going to meet the tomorrow. I'm not sure if she's exactly what I'm looking for but I do think were really compatable. Gonna be safe meet in public and all.
Getting back to larping. Going to go to nere for sure.

So now for my second post. As I said I'm working on figuring out things about my sexuality. Well I'm into BDSM this much I know. Also I'm a Dom (Top, Sadist, guy not tied up, ect.). Not a natural born Dom though. It's something I've sort of come into.
Let's back up and take it from the top. Though this sort of remember self stuff is a little cliché. I've always been aroused by things like bondage and power exchange. I remember even as a young kid watching show's were people were tied up imprisoned or just forced to do things being a little to interested. Whether it was Daisy Duke being arrested by boss hog, dolly parten being sexually harassed in 9to5 or even the men forced to work in Bridge Over The River Qwy (spelled wrong) As I hit puberty my fantasies always took that route. Usually at that time I was the one being tied up imprisoned or punished though often I was sharing my fate with some girl. As masturbation started I got into self bondage. I was dimly aware that other people like this sort of thing but I thought it was a very strange fringe and thought I’d be alone or just assumed I’d grow out of it.
Well college cam along and with it the internet. This was in 93 just ahead of the world wide web so I first found out about bondage on the web in news groups. And nearly rubbed myself raw. Thinking I was a sub I tried to contact female dominants and in fact anyone who would talk to me over the net. In fact I met one who was very nice and interested in talking though she was in a monogamist relationship at the time. I went to the Boston flea market, a few munches, and even a couple of Boston dungeon society meetings. But my shyness and being a single male made things tricky. I didn't really say anything and was defiantly in the closet. Though I did start reading many BDSM books both fiction and non fiction. (beauty books, story of O, the loving dominant, ect) It was at this point that my fantasies really started putting me a dominant role

Till this time I was a virgin (no you say how could a cool guy like you with an interest in role-playing games, comic books and having a repressed sexuality have avoided getting laid) Well I was up until I was 19. Then after an encounter with the I ching I switched gears and lowered my standards (this sounds bad but my standards were pretty high)
Two weeks later, wam first r/l sexual encounter. Needless I was a little nervous. I mean what happens when she finds out about my tastes and freaks out. Well to make a long story short, she was into it, like aloud, but she had no experience hadn't red or thought about it nearly as much as I did. This gave me a certain responsibility in my eye's to make it come out okay and of course led to me being mostly the dom in our short relationship. Of course as these thing go our relationship ended as fast as it started. But it went a long way towards changing my focus. And at this point I knew I was a switch.

Well I want to go on but I can't I'm tired and a little drained so I'll pick this up later.
Jerrod

So I'm just starting out. Doing this to get some things out of my head. I also want to improve my writing skills. I'm currently looking for some romance in my life. Of course being a kinky bastard makes romance kind of complicated. I think I'm a nice guy and I try but. The fact that on the inside when I met a nice girl my instincts are to dominate her. Well that's the sort of thing that worrys me.

Not to mention the fact that my idea of a long term relatioship would require contract negotitations. And it's not that I'm stuck on that cause I'm not. I just what I wan't and as a wise slightly strung out man once said "you can't always get what you want" but I'm trying to find what I need.
I've sort of graduated into a new philosophy concerning my sexuality and personality. It's one of those things that I'll be hashing out on line but the direction is there now.
Well we'll do this later